Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
