drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
