When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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