Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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