I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
