Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Blood and glitter go together right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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