she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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