I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
