Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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