It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
