what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
