Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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