I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
