Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
