I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize