So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
