fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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