How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
