who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
