A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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