woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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