ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
