So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
