sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
