Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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