Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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