Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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