she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
