is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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