420 ftw
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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