If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
