i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
