I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
