just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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