My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
