Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize