I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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