My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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