i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
