I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize