My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
