yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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