you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
