Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
