I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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