Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
