I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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