I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish you could order shots online.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
