someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
