she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
