Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
