Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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