There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
