I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
