please come you make the beer taste better
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
