you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
