I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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