I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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