do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
