I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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