I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
