So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
