if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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