just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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