You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
