I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Randomize
