I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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