Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My feet surprised me
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