I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
