Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
