Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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