He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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