he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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