I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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