Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
4 words: hood of his car
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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