I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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