Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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