I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
